


Too Much Time On Our Hands

by Wealthywetsunny



Series: The End Of The World [2]
Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Bunker Ending, Caretaking, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Fluff, Pain, Slow Burn, Starvation, Torture, Violence, hunger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-08 23:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15254304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wealthywetsunny/pseuds/Wealthywetsunny
Summary: SEQUEL TO ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLDIt’s been one year since Ryleigh had been forced into adapting to the end of the world with the Seed brothers. As time goes on she struggles with the oppressiveness of Eden’s Gate as it begins to form anew.





	1. Chapter 1

The air was musty and clogged. Her lungs felt compressed, like she couldn’t take a deep breath without coughing. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth, too thick. Ryleigh’s eyes felt glued shut. The small slits she managed to open only showed darkness. It wasn’t the type of darkness you’d see in the nighttime, this was pitch black, you can’t see in front of your face, dark. Her eyes clamped shut again, a sharp dread settling in the pit of her stomach. 

She didn’t have the power in her to stand. She tried to wiggle her toes and fingers, accounting for everything being in its proper place. Her limbs were twisted in a heap of where she lay on the floor. Her neck was strained painfully. It took everything in her not to panic. 

When she finally did fully open her eyes, she tried to feel her surroundings. She was lying on her back, but moved to be on her stomach, letting her arms sweep out in front of her. There was nothing. Just empty space. Her legs uncurled and snapped outward. Her feet hit the back wall. This place was tiny, dark and had the feel of an attic. 

Lucky for her, she wasn’t bound. No handcuffs or ropes to restrict her movements. Small mercies. 

She wasn’t in any pain except for a dull throbbing in her head. The fear she should have been feeling hadn’t come yet. Maybe she was in shock. 

The last thing she remembered was Joseph’s words to her. “I’ve chosen for you to go until He sees fit.” She disregarded him at the time. There was nowhere to go in their tiny bunker where he could lock her up. She should know by now that he would act on his threats if it meant he was pleasing God or the voice in his head. 

There was no way they could leave her here for long. Someone would be coming to see her eventually, she needed food and water. They wouldn’t kill her. 

Tears crowded her eyes. The wetness dripped down her cheek and onto the cement below her. She pressed her cheek into the floor, chills racked her body. Her stomach was growling, tugging her muscles and making her pull her body into a fetal position. She pressed the heel of her hands on her eyes. Trying desperately to ignore the dehydration. 

She thought her and Jacob had made up, that they could finally coexist. He wouldn’t condone this. Maybe he didn’t didn’t know. And John, she took care of him. Never really got into a fight with the man, so what reason did he have with agreeing to his brother’s choice? Then again, she’s seen first hand how easily John can forgive Joseph, how he lived to please his brother. John would probably side with Joseph in an instant. No one was coming to intervene. This was a problem between her and Joseph. She could die. The sudden thought scared her with a blinding clarity. 

She raised her head and managed to get into a sitting position. A jab of pain jolted in her stomach. She figured it was the hunger coming on stronger, but the sudden slickness between her legs said otherwise. She dipped her fingers below her jeans after she popped the button. It just now occurred to her that the entire time she was down here she never got her period. No way was that healthy. And now it was coming full force, the most painful thing she felt in a long time. It was like built up pressure that finally burst. She was alone when it had to happen. Where no one could offer comfort. She held onto her midsection as if that would stave off the cramps. 

A low groan pierced the silence. Ryleigh rolled onto her stomach, biting down harshly on her forearm to distract herself from the pain. 

Lying in her own filth made a part of her slip further down the abyss. The hunger wasn’t too bad, she could even forget about the lack of water. But she felt disgusting with dust coating her skin and blood pooling down her legs. 

Keeping track of the amount of time passed was fruitless. It was dark and she couldn’t hear anything. It was like her own personal sensory deprivation hell. A hell where time stood still and sleep came in inconsistent patterns. 

When she woke next and she stretched to work out the kinks of her muscles, her fingers knocked down a large water bottle. She chugged it fast which promptly made her throw it back up. 

Her only indication of time flowing was that when she spit up the water she realized how empty her stomach was. Leaving a stream of bile and stomach acid. She no longer had anything to come up. That and her period had finally ended. 

She wanted to wake up from this nightmare. To be handcuffed to that bed and start anew. Fix her wrongs, apologize to so many people. Her hands clasped beneath her chin in prayer. She swore that she’d be a firm believer in God , in Joseph, if she was taken out of wherever she was. She’d accept them as her family. As people who deserved to be cherished. Because they did, she was too stubborn to admit that each of them deserved to be held at night and told how important they are. She was willing to push her ill thoughts of them away if she was taken back to her monotonous life. 

Waking up after pouring her heart out to some omnipotent being and realizing that nothing changed was shattering. For the first time she began to cry. Huge wracking sobs that had mucus rushing down her face. She scrubbed her eyes like a child, fists pounding on her thighs out of anger. She reverted back to shoving the flesh of her arm between her canines to muffle her screams. Trying to save some ounce of pride left in case anyone could hear her. 

Ryleigh was too swept up in the storm of her mind, her inner demons were coming to light. She felt the skin pop on her arm and warm blood cascade down her throat. What did Jacob tell her? That it takes ten days before people lose their humanity. Something along those lines, fixed with some sob story of God’s test for him. Millers life for his. Joseph’s test was sacrificing his baby daughter. And John learned to say yes through the abuse by his foster family. Each one of them had an obstacle placed before them. Something that changed the course of their life and made them so different from the people they could have been. That’s all this was right now, a test. Jacob was wrong when he said that her test was killing Eli, that was her sacrifice, that she passed. He was so damn wrong. That sacrifice wasn’t enough for God. It was a red herring. 

This was life altering. The kind of thing that would be ingrained in her memory. It should make her stronger. Different. Someone who can look at the burned earth and still survive. Because that’s what humans have been doing for eons. They pick themselves up and get back to life. She wanted to stay alive. She was afraid to die. That’s why she prayed every time she woke. 

She didn’t know scripture. Couldn’t recount anything from the Bible. So it was more like promises she had, negotiations for whoever was listening to her pitiful words. 

All she knew was that when she got out of here those men wouldn’t know what hit them. They’d see her for someone changed. They’d see how she blossomed into the type of person they wanted by their side. She’d make them damn proud.


	2. Chapter 2

The thing about being devoid of human contact was that the brain went haywire. Forming people and noises that weren’t really there. It terrified her the first time she heard the giggling sound that she could recognize as Faith. Frantically, Ryleigh searched the confined space with hands stretched in front of her. 

Soon she saw the swirling colors of bliss and the red haze that covered her vision reminiscent to Jacob’s classics conditioning. 

She knew it wasn’t real. That these were only hallucinations. But they seemed like they were there, enough for her to eventually seek solace in these fake beings. Mostly Faith, which was strange, she was never close to the girl, never spent weeks in a bunker with her like her brothers. It took a while for her mind to bring the other three Seeds into the mix. It was pitch black but when they came to her she could see them clearly. Like they were illuminated by a bright light. 

When she woke to see John she almost ran to hug him, but quickly realized what he was wearing and how it wasn’t actually him. Just her minds playing tricks. He wore the same thing he was dressed in when she walked in the church. That blue button up with a dark vest and over that, a long coat that she later came to realize was covered in tiny airplanes. He held a knife sharpener in his right hand and was leaning back against the wall. Ironically the same tool he wielded when he threatened her into saying yes. It wasn't real. Still, she didn’t dissuade her mind from pushing them away. She sat and listened to him speak. 

“You’re the kind of person who loves to watch the world burn Deputy. Joseph gave you a way out and you refused. Even now he would forgive you, let you walk away from it all. But look at you, wanting to indulge in wrath has blinded you, it’s gotten in the way of your morals.” He shook his head and wrapped his hand tighter around the tool.

“My god, just think of all that I could carve into that flesh of yours.” He hummed lightly, walking towards her. “If you said yes, what would you lose?” The apparition stood as if waiting for a response. “You’d gain friendships, you’d find peace.” Once again she didn’t say anything. It was only a figment of her imagination, he didn’t need an answer. “You don’t speak much Deputy. I’m honored that I’d be the first one out of my family to hear your words. Your screams.” When he moved closer she did scream. Loud enough to rattle her bones and pierce her ears. Ryleigh curled into a tiny ball and wrapped her hands over her head. 

She didn’t move again until her throat felt raw and it hurt to swallow. But when she did open her eyes she heard the familiar humming of Faith. It brought back times where she went hunting with Boomer and she’d see the young woman walk in circles humming some tune. This time Ryleigh ignored her, crawling over to where the water was. The water was plentiful, it never left her dying of thirst. Food on the other hand was sparse. She couldn’t track days, didn’t know when she ate last, but for the moment the hunger pains were not prominent. 

As she downed water to soothe the ache in her throat she finally focused on Faith. The girl was staring at her, a smile on her face. She always looked so kind, so deceiving. “You don’t still think badly of me, do you? It tears me up that you’d be so judgemental when you haven’t even gotten to know me. I can lead you when you’re lost, when you’re confused or scared. Wouldn’t that be nice?” She giggled like a child, rocking on the heels of her bare feet. Strange that her dress was stained with grass and blood. Her mind knew that this girl was dead and changed her appearance. Even her feet held a thin layer of grime. 

“Joseph saved me. He saved his brothers too. He saved millions of lives, he doesn’t judge and will always accept you. It’s what he does best. So why do you hate him? Why do you want to see him harmed? The Father told me it’s not my place to make judgments, so I won’t regard you poorly for what you think. I’ll try to lead you in the right path without getting angry. Even if I find it hard to understand what you’re doing. It makes me wonder if you’d stop if only you saw the strain you’re putting on our family.” She shrugged helplessly. Twirling until she was behind Ryleigh and the deputy couldn’t hear her voice anymore. 

Hours later, or days, who knows? And she saw Jacob. She wasn’t scared, not after she saw the other two. It was becoming her norm. Gave her company, even if they were berating her. 

He was smiling, kind and open, something so rare that she wanted to run to him. She wrapped her arms around her body, back against the wall. With a disinterested gaze he regarded her. “I don’t know your sin Deputy, don’t much care either. Everyone’s a bad person at some point, everyone’s sinned, that doesn’t change the fact that you had so much potential. Could have made a damn good soldier, you even managed to impress me.” When she scanned the room he was closer to her. The smile still present. “My brothers and sister believe you’re lost and scared and in need of saving. But you’re not. We both know that. You’re strong and you’ll survive this. You don’t need our help. But they’ll still give you endless opportunities until you crawl into their arms.” He was standing directly in front of her. “My advice pup, take Joseph up on his offer. You might not believe what he says, but that never stopped me from following him. You won’t regret it.”

And just like that he was gone. A small puff of smoke that disappeared in an instant. Suddenly she was exhausted. A cloud of fog brushing over her consciousness and making her back slide down the wall. Taking one last sip of water, she let herself drift off. 

She couldn’t have been asleep for long, she was still exhausted. Frowning and rubbing her eyes she looked around and saw what must’ve pulled her from sleep. Joseph. It didn’t surprise her, not after the rest of his family appeared before her. 

“Deputy. My deputy. Or ours, I guess would be the proper term. To be shared with my family. To spread your love, your kindness and mercy.” Mercy? Given the chance she would gladly watch his family bleed out in front of her. She felt elated to watch Faith float lifelessly in a river before her. “Something’s on your mind. You aren’t paying attention to what I’m saying. That’s okay.” 

Joseph sat on the floor across from her. “You’ve prevailed. The world threw everything it had at you and yet here you sit, alive. You have wounds that are buried deep in your mind. Inner demons that each member of my family has aswell, me included. We’re stronger together. Safety in numbers, there’s truth behind those words. I don’t need to build you up, you don’t need as much guidance as I first thought. You’re truly something else. I’d be honored to have you. To let my brothers share you, we all desperately want to see the person you’ve become.”

He stood, toying with the rosary around his hand. Ryleigh tipped her head back, hands fisting in her dirty clothes. When she looked around the room it had returned to that familiar darkness. 

Her hands roamed down her body, tugging at her dusty shirt. She reached up to pat down at her matted hair. She moved on to her pants. Soiled with blood and piss. It made her cringe that the room was beginning to smell awful. 

She moved to the corner of the room, grabbing the supply of water, she placed three bottles in front of her and stripped down. The clothes were tossed somewhere in the dark. She poured water over her body, it was warm, comforting. Her hands acted as a sponge, rubbing harshly at her skin. The most time was spent on her hair, it was stuck in a permanent position that stood out at all angles. She didn’t bother putting her clothes back on. No one was here to see her. 

Her hands moved to brush her knees, they were torn up and scratched, dirt was still in the open skin even after her impromptu wash. she never bothered to stand while she was here, opting for crawling around. The result was that her knees and palms were wide open with abrasions. 

She splayed out on her back, spread eagle. The throbbing that happened when she first woke up here had returned. Making her wince as it stretched around her skull.

Just a test. She’d make them proud. Laugh right in their face when she saw the Seeds again. Say ‘I told you so.’

It was just a test.


	3. Chapter 3

The bright shine of light had her thinking that she finally had died. There was a sort of resigned peace to it all. Curled up in a small ball, her tears dried, she let a dreamy smile come to her face. It’d be okay. Heaven could be okay. 

John was crowding her space before she could realize what was happening. He was placing gentle touches along her spine, muttering something she couldn’t quite hear over the ringing in her ears. Soon he was helping her sit up so she could fully face him. She stared directly into his bright blue eyes and she melted a little. Her shoulders relaxed from where he was rubbing her skin. This time, with the burns that covered his forearms and his changed clothes, not as expensive, she knew it was real. That this time around she could cling to John and have him hold her. The cooing tone of his voice kept her pliant in his grasp. 

His lips brushed her jaw as he held onto her hands in a bruising grip. She let her body be moved like a rag doll. He wasn’t strong enough to pick her up, but the effort was there. He tossed his arm around her waist and she let her arm go around his neck. The bright light they walked towards had her shutting her eyes tight. There was a burning pain that made her cringe. She held John closer, letting herself be dragged to wherever he wanted to take her.

The illusion of time was wrong, she wasn’t sure how long I took for them to make it back to the bunker, she wasn’t even sure where they kept her all this time because her eyes remained shut. She stumbled, pulling them both to the floor when she tripped. He breathed a sigh, cupping her jaw. His fingers carded through her matted hair. “You’re a mess.” Ryleigh closed her eyes, she had hoped they might see her differently. They’d see the strength she gained. 

She shrunk further into herself, a small whimper rising from her throat when he tried to help her up. “Everyone else is asleep, you gotta work with me here Ryleigh. I’m not leaving you on the floor until morning.” She rolled her shoulders back, holding out her hand so he could help her up. This time around her legs didn’t fail her. 

John led her to the shower, placing her down on the toilet seat. He hesitated, glancing between her and the door. “Think you can handle the shower?” She nodded, hand coming up to rub at her sore throat. 

“I’ll get you some clothes, food, call me if you need help.”

Ryleigh coughed, wincing at the sharp pain. “Thanks John.” The smile he gave was soft, his eyes radiated thankfulness. 

She collapsed in the shower, letting it beat onto her back as she stayed in a huddled form. Her hands scrubbed desperately at her skin. Washing off dirt, dried blood and stale pee. The smell wafted around her, making her gag. Ryleigh was tempted to stay under the warm water for hours. It must’ve been ten minutes later when John came to check on her, looking worried at her silence. 

He reached in to pick her up, wrapping her in a towel. Her arms were kept at her side as the towel hugged her body like a small cocoon. It gave some semblance of safety. She leaned back into John’s chest, letting him dry her off. Her hair wet his shoulder and she felt a pang of guilt. 

John pressed clothes into her hands, keeping his gaze away as she clumsily got dressed. Her hands reaching up to hold onto his shoulder a few times to steady herself. 

He was strangely quiet when leading her to the table where they eat. Her mind was floating in and out of reality as he moved around finishing the meal he was preparing. He placed bowls and plates in front of her. It certainly was more than she was expecting. A mixture of fruits, two different soups, and pasta. She was shaking when she reached over to hold onto her fork. 

John kept his eyes on her as she ate. At times reminding her to go slower. A teasing tone in his voice when he told her that he wasn’t going to be the one to clean the floor when she throws up from eating too fast. It made a smile tug at her lips. She leaned back into her chair her stomach tightening painfully. “John? How long was I..” she wasn’t sure how to end that sentence. She wasn’t even sure where she was kept and was afraid to ask. 

“About four days.” Her eyes widened. A frown pulling her lips down. She lost her damn mind in there and it was only four days. But she survived. She passed her test so at the end of the day it didn't really matter. 

“You done sweetheart?” She nodded, partially registering the pet name he used. The way the color rose in his cheeks stopped her from calling him out on it. 

He cleaned up fast, keeping quiet since the clock read 2:57 am. 

“You mind if I sleep with you tonight?” He froze with washing the dishes, half turning to stare at her. His mouth was opened slightly, struggling with his words. “Not at all, anything I can do to help, don’t hesitate asking.” The sincerity was almost enough to make her sob. But she’s cried enough for three people during the last four days. She didn’t have anymore tears left. 

Ryleigh trotted behind John as they walked to his room. Without being prompted, she fell down on his bed. Turned away from him as he undressed. His chest pressed firmly against her back, arm coming around to hold her tight. She felt him inhale deeply into her hair which now smelt like citrus. His tattooed fingers traced patterns onto her stomach. He hummed a song she realized was Oh the Bliss. She squirmed further back into him, grabbing at his hand as a show of thanks. 

She cleared her mind, focused on John’s steady breaths and the distant snoring of his brothers. The calmness of the bunker had her relaxing. She didn’t think about how angry she should be, just paid attention to the kindness John was showing her.


	4. Chapter 4

John had left Ryleigh sleeping, curled up and mumbling under her breath. She seemed disoriented if anything, but not broken. Joseph was right. Despite his and Jacob’s concern, everything was ok. He could smile, whistling as he moved around the bunker. 

Water was still running off his body when he walked back into his room. The towel was wrapped around his waist tightly as he gathered his clothes. He was practically bouncing as he got dressed, shaking out his hair and running his fingers through it. 

He briefly toyed with the idea of not waking Ryleigh up, but with his childish joy he tossed the thought away. Sauntering over to the edge of the bed he shook her shoulder. When she only stirred he crouched down to her level. His fingers traced her jaw, a curious look in his eyes. 

“John.” Her lips twitched down in annoyance. “Let. Me. Sleep.” She didn’t sound angry, but he knew when not to push. He rose, an over exaggerated sigh leaving him in a huff. 

“K. Alright, fine. There’s things to do today, exciting things, you should get up soon.” He simply laughed and dodged to the side when she threw a pillow his way. 

She rolled out of bed when she no longer could hear his footsteps. She blew out a steady breath to calm herself. The wrath was pushed down, away from the front of her mind. Living in such a confined space and being pissed off wouldn’t help anyone, especially since she was sorely out outnumbered. 

Hearing John’s boisterous voice accompanied with Joseph’s gave her pause, he almost sounded like she remembered him back in Hope County. What changed since she was gone? What made the man so excited for the future when it looked so bleak? If she closed her eyes she could pretend everything with fine, absolutely normal. It certainly wasn’t healthy and it screwed with her mind big time, but it was the only respite she got. Without a hobby or anything to distract herself it was nice to play pretend. 

“Living like that is dangerous you know.” Ryleigh’s eyes flew open in alarm at the sugary sweet voice that sounded right in her ear. She didn’t have to look very far to see Faith. Walking in tiny circles, she wasn’t singing this time around, she looked agitated. 

Ryleigh’s hand rose in a greeting. “You must be confused. With all these thoughts in your mind that you’re still the hero who will save Hope County. But when you come to reality,” She bounded closer, hands on her shoulder, “Nothing's the same. You need to prepare, don’t get left behind in false ideas. Forget about those people you used to know. It won’t do you any good.”

Faith was gone as soon as John popped his head in the room. He tipped his head to the side when she only stared down with wide eyes. “You coming?” She didn’t answer him, too scared to trust her own voice. 

The hallucinations. She thought those were gone. A thing of the past now that she had actual humans to interact with. 

A pain welled in her chest when she got to where everyone else was gathered. John sat down on the couch, indicating that she should sit between him and Jacob. That seemed like a safe option if Faith decided to visit again. Ryleigh threw herself down, surprising herself at how uncaring she was when her thighs were pushed against both of theirs. She didn’t make a comment on how there was definitely enough room for their bodies not to be touching. 

Joseph had a triumphant smile on his face when he saw her. “Ryleigh, how nice it is to see you.” She only nodded in response, hand going to grip John’s for some kind of security. She ignored the confused look he gave her or the fact that he jumped out of surprise like he had been shocked. 

She had heard many of Joseph’s sermons since she’s been down here. And this was delivered in the same manner as what he preached to his people. When he spoke he struck a chord. It had you leaning forward, which she did as he went on about the new world. He described how a new Faith has been found, that she is safe and eagerly awaiting the day to meet the rest of her family. He managed to catch her attention when he spoke of how it was going to all pan out soon. 

Out of anxiety she rose her intertwined hand up to her mouth. A habit she normally did if her own two hands were clasped. She thought nothing of it when she lips pressed against a knuckle, tongue laving out to touch skin. The intake of breath given beside her from John made her muscles tighten when she realized the hand was more tanned than her and was sporting tattoos along his fingers. He didn’t pull away and didn’t say anything so she forced herself to listen instead of focusing on him. 

“Eden’s Gate has prepared for the collapse for years, but the question we never dealt with was if we would have the proper supplies to build a new community. Because of this set back the first few years will be tough. Many might die due to lack of shelter or even lack of food if farming is not an option. We must understand that we will go to the same lengths as last time, we will take from whom ever, as it will be for the many people who God wants to live, and those who don’t give it willingly are selfish and greedy. Those people want to see us fail” He scanned over each of them in turn. 

“We must put aside past ties of those we thought were are friends and take from them. It’s for Eden’s Gate and they had their chance so it’s not in their right to complain.” Joseph wasn’t staring at her the entire time when he said that, but she was the only one there with friends on the opposing side. 

Her mind mulled over what he said, belatedly realizing it was along the lines of what Faith said. How she needed to forget about those people who she used to know. She tuned out whatever else he was saying. Relinquishing her grasp on John’s hand and falling into the cushions when Joseph walked away. Her head flopped to the side and she felt Jacob’s hand press to her forehead. “You sick?” She shook her head. “Don’t know if anyone’s heard you talk much since you’ve been outta there.” 

“I’m fine, stop being pushy.” She rose out of annoyance. Her voice sounded raw and she knew it shook out of fear from the hallucinations. They would think she’s fucking crazy. 

She leaned on the table where Joseph had laid out an assortment of maps, drawings and books. It all looked like nonsense to her. 

John came up to look over her shoulder, hand lingering on her arm. “Hey, Ry, if you could—,” 

“What did you call me?” 

“Ry. Ryleigh. It’s a nickname. We do it all the time.” He gestured to Jacob. 

That wrath she pushed down had bubbled up in an instant. “You remember the Ryes don’t you? The man who’s plane you stole. How you spread rumors about how Kim’s baby wasn’t Nicks. How you were so goddamn petty that you stole all the baby supplies that people gifted them.” She turned abruptly and nudged him away from her. “Just don’t call me that.” 

John reached out before she could sidestep him. “I’m sorry, alright. Just a mistake Ryleigh.” He shrugged lightly, giving a half smile with eyes shining full of hope. He almost pulled her into a hug but she shoved him away and didn’t pay attention to how his face fell. 

As she stormed to her room Faith appeared beside her. An angry frown pulling her beautiful features down. “Didn’t you hear what I said? Are you that stubborn?” The young woman moved in front of Ryleigh. Deep down she knew she could burst right through the image, yet it was too real, so she stopped. “Stop thinking about them. After all Joseph just told you too. We need to start new and if you’re years behind us when that happens then we won’t want you.” She flinched at the words. That wasn’t true. Faith didn’t know her or the relationship she had with her brothers. 

Her hands clutched her head. She couldn’t think like that. Couldn’t say things that made it sound like the girl was still alive. God forbid she lost her cool and screamed at someone who wasn’t even there.


	5. Chapter 5

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“And why’s that?” Faith stood behind her from her view in the mirror. Ryleigh was looking over her features, running her hands through her hair. She didn’t want to answer her question, didn’t really know how. 

“I’m angry.” 

The younger woman frowned, turning away to sit on the deputy’s bed, legs crossing over each other. “Naturally.” 

Ryleigh knew this wasn’t real. That fake Faith wouldn’t give her actual answers and advice. Only tell her things that her brain already knew, even subconsciously. But with her anger coming on more fiercely, she was ready to snap. Worse than using her words. She wasn’t insane, getting angry would never result in a killing spree, nothing harmful. She’d call up Sharky and they’d go light an empty field on fire, take some shots at wolves and skunks. That wasn’t an option anymore though, was it? 

“Violence isn’t a good thing Ryleigh.” Faith looked disappointed. “They aren't hurting you, so pray tell, why would you hurt them? That doesn’t sound fair, an eye for an eye.”

She let out a mocking laugh that was a tad too loud if anyone passed by her closed door. “Well they’re not gonna change. Not gonna stop reminding me of all that happened. Not like it’s their fault either. Just wished they acted different.” She rubbed her temple as a sharp pain jolted through her head. 

Faith tipped her head like a puppy. “Wished they were more considerate?” 

“I don’t know. I guess.” The sudden rush of tears blurred her vision of Faith. “They have each other. I’ve got no one. It’s tough and they don’t realize that.” 

“That’s your fault that you’re alone.” When Ryleigh swirled around from where she was sitting in front of the mirror, Faith shook her head, eyes wide and mouth opened slightly. “No, no, no, that’s not what I meant. I should have explained.” She took a breath to gather her thoughts. “You’ve distanced yourself from them time and time again. You’re angry and that’s a setback with your relationship. Setbacks that you’ll work through and get past if you talk to them. Don’t let your lack of communication get in the way.” Faith twirled a piece of hair around her finger. “I recommend you acknowledge your emotions before they eat you up inside. They’ll fester and become something you can’t ignore. And don’t worry about what my brothers did, that’s past now. Won’t do you any good dwelling on it.” 

God, she was so wrong. What happened before all this bullshit, it matters. Those were her friends, people she treasured because they were the only family she had. She had every right to be pissed. This entire time she fought those emotions. Pushed them away or was too caught up in something else to realize how angry she was. She shouldn’t have to justify her wrath. Shouldn’t have pushed it down because she was using the Seeds as filler, she thought they might fill the holes in her heart. Make her forget the bonds she had. 

Ryleigh leaned forward. “Maybe” she laughed loudly again, “I’ll show them how wrathful I can really be. They just don’t understand. I can make them see.” 

 

“Ryleigh, please. Don’t lose yourself over this. It’s not worth it.” This girl. This figment of her imagination. It would be the death of her. Did she understand what she was saying? Not worth it...her family was worth throwing a few punches. She’d take this entire bunker down WWE style if she had to. “My brothers are trying. They are trying to live with you but you’re making that extremely difficult.” 

Faith hopped off the bed to kneel down in front of her to stroke her face. Ryleigh swore she could see the bliss sparkles around her and smell the mintiness of her breath when she spoke next. “We’re one and the same you and I. You know that right?” And like all the other times, she was gone when Ryleigh blinked. 

She gained exactly fuck all through that. More confusion if anything. Her fist connected with the bunker wall. She flopped onto the bed and swung at Faith when the girl appeared again, leaning over her. Of course the hit didn’t land. It only had Ryleigh tumbling off the bed and onto her hands and knees. 

She looked around frantically until she caught sight of her again. She was up in an instant, running full tilt to leap on Faith. She sent herself sprawling, crashing into a collapsible chair. 

Each time Ryleigh would stand on shaky legs she would be mumbling obscenities under her breath as she threw punches at the youngest member of the Seed family. With each hit that didn’t land Ryleigh’s resentment grew. Sweat covered her body, slicking up her bare feet and making her slide into the wall. Her hip felt bruised and her heart was racing. 

Her hands curled possessively around a shovel she had. It was probably used as a weapon by Dutch or something he’d give to a wayward traveler like herself. The thought made her keep it by her bed. And how glad she was of that. These next couple of hits could be for Dutch.

As she swung blindly at Faith’s moving form she recalled that she wasn’t the cause of the old man’s death, it didn’t matter, she was the moving target and she was related to the Seeds. It was something she could work with. 

A cry of sheer anger rose from her chest. She knew she couldn’t hit Faith. It just wasn’t possible. She wasn’t that crazy, she knew it wasn’t real. It made her angrier that she couldn’t hit the ones that were causing her anguish. God forbid John walked through the door, she’d give him one hell of a concussion and bloody nose. 

Ryleigh spun to drop the shovel and grabbed onto her dresser. She shoved it harshly, watching it spin out onto its side and between the door and the wall. It made the perfect blockade. For everyone else’s sake, she felt some relief wash over. She was deep in her rage and would hurt anyone who walked through. 

The next time she saw Faith it looked like she was a reflection in the mirror. “With all that you’ve done, all the people you’ve destroyed, you don’t deserve to be happy. Always smiling when I’m wallowing. When I’m ready to kill someone. You don’t know what that’s like, to have someone you care for so much suddenly ripped from your hands.” Ryleigh raised her fists. She wanted to feel the bones crack under her skin. She wanted this to be real, to send this girl crawling to her grave just for all the people she screwed over with no remorse. “You wanna see God sweetheart? Wanna meet the man that talks to your dear Father?” She turned her hip out, moving fluidly with the punch. 

Ryleigh stood frozen in the position for half a second before she was on the glass. Pummeling and smashing instead of proper punches. 

The door sounded behind her, smashing into the dresser that got wedged between the door and the wall. 

She didn’t stop smashing at the glass shards until she got tired. A smile came to her lips and she laughed. “Fuck.” Her knuckles were covered in cuts. Blood dripped down her clothes. “Hey Joseph!” She didn’t wait to see if he’d respond, by the sound of it, all three men were trying to get in. “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. An eye for an eye, all the same shit. I think I get it now.” She scanned the broken mirror where Faith once stood. “Yeah, I understand.”


	6. Chapter 6

Joseph’s head was tipped back against the couch cushion. Ryleigh lost it when she saw him, scratching, kicking, almost clawing his eyes out. Hurling accusations his way. Blaming him for things that he hadn’t thought about in so long. Things he did to her friends, the people he hurt, how the way she was feeling was all his fault. 

He held an ice pack to his blackened eye. Given to him when he came up behind Ryleigh to lift her away from the broken mirror. 

He winced when he heard her yell echo throughout the bunker. She was still pissed, and his brothers were trying to sate her like she was a feral animal. And apparently his sister too. He hadn’t misheard her call Faith’s name. He hoped he had. But she said it one too many times for it to be a slip up. 

She was stubborn, John had complained enough about that after their small disagreement, Joseph could hardly call it a fight. And Joseph had been a dutiful brother and listened, nodding at all the right times. Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder and telling him to apologize, that it wasn’t worth it. John was a hothead, he could admit that. It wasn’t his pride getting in the way of him saying sorry or admitting to his wrongdoings, it was him not knowing how to communicate. Or maybe he didn’t think he did anything wrong so he would never tell Ryleigh that he was sympathetic. Joseph wasn’t sure anymore. And Jacob was done being empathetic to his youngest brother.

It’s not like she wasn’t mad at him or Jacob either. The black eye he had was evident enough. And the vulgarities she shot Jacob’s way showed her resentment that she was finally showing. 

Joseph pursed his lips, hands clenching. “Joe!” A sigh escaped his throat, he shouldn’t lose patience so easily, but she was testing his limits. He prayed for the strength to get through this before making his way to the main room where he slept. He took in the sight before walking through the doorway. A place a bad memories. It’s where she first woke up after the collapse and they tied her back up when she cut her wrists then John used the bed when they had to treat his burns. And now this. His room wasn’t associated with anything good. 

Ryleigh was panting. Eyes wild and unseeing. Looking right through them. It was unnerving. 

Joseph looked at Jacob, who held Ryleigh underneath his weight. Pushing her further down into the cheap mattress. She wasn’t fighting anymore, though by the looks of it she had been for a while. He felt a wave of pity, slowly he approached with the ice still pressed to his possibly broken eye socket. 

John sat near where her face was smashed sideways in the blankets. He was unsmiling, an annoyed glare on his face. He turned, frowning when he saw Joseph’s bruise. 

Jacob tightened his hold on the back of her neck when she squirmed as Joseph neared them. Joseph help up his hand in a show of stop. “Calm down, that’s not necessary.”

“She bit me Joe. It’s necessary.” 

“Such wrath deputy.” John sneered. He rose to let Joseph sit, opting to stand behind his brother, John’s hands a comforting source on his shoulders. 

“John, I won’t tolerate this pettiness you have. I’m not going to treat you like a child, so stop acting like one or leave.” Joseph’s harsh words had John’s eyes turning soft. If he were any younger he might’ve cried at Joseph’s tone. 

Joseph leaned closer, hands cupping her face, stroking her sweaty skin. Trying to soothe her. “You two may leave. Let me speak to her.” There were words of protests rising from their throats. All ignored as Joseph waited, leaning back slightly on the bed. 

Once they were alone is when Ryleigh moved. Cautious eyes flicking everywhere. She breathed a sigh of relief when whatever she was looking for wasn’t found. This is when she let herself relax, albeit minutely. “You must learn to control that wrath. With Jacob’s army no longer in use I can’t give you a proper outlet. Don’t make me think you’re dangerous Ryleigh.” She breathed out slowly through her nose. The rage had fizzled out quick through her tussle with the mirror added with her getting a few good swipes in on the Seeds. 

It felt good. And now she could toss herself at Joseph, giving him a hug and a murmur of reassurance that she was fine. Apologizing for her actions. Like always, he accepted her words, hands rubbing circles on her back and telling her she was forgiven. It might’ve been manipulative, knowing that Joseph wouldn’t hold anything against her. 

She was ready to leave. To go in her room and take a proper look around, see if Faith was actually gone. The harsh knock at the door had her frozen for half a second before it popped open. John was raking his fingers through his hair and pointed at her, “C’mere, I need you.” Lest she show hesitation in front of Joseph, she moved, chin raised, meeting his gaze with a leveled look of her own. 

John’s hand circled around her wrist. Tugging her along towards his room, guiding her one his bed. He held that same annoyed gaze he had since she had gotten mad at him. She threw away the thought that he was a childish, insufferable man. Another deep breath and she could bear listening to what he wanted from her. 

“What the hell do you want from me Ryleigh?” Her head tipped curiously. “I made one mistake.” His finger pressed against her lips before she could correct him. “Just one. It was going well wasn’t it? We were doing fine.” John’s other hand moved to the back of her neck. “I’m not as bad as Jacob right? Don’t act like you like him more. Because from your logic he’s just as bad as I am.” She couldn’t speak, not with how he moved to cover his palm over her mouth. Not applying any pressure, she could break his hold if she wanted to. 

“Or maybe Joseph. Do you like Joseph more than me?” He was rambling, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes out of frustration. He pulled her into a hug, not seeming to care when she kept her arms down by her side. “C’mon, show me that you forgive me.” Her brows crinkled downward. Did she forgive him? With the way his tears fell and pained noises came from him, she figured she might not have a choice. 

“Okay, John.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. God this was wrong. Even as her lips brushed over his own, she cringed. Pain radiated out from her chest as she pulled away. His eyes were blown wide as he was the one to lean in this time. Taking from her what she pretended she wanted to give. If he noticed her hesitance or lack of enthusiasm then he didn’t say anything. 

Her muscles tightened as he made her lie on her back. His beard scratched along her jaw then down her neck. Leaving small marks that she didn’t want to explain later. 

“Ryleigh?” She hadn’t realized that he pulled away, brow drawn down in concern. Then he gave a small, saddened grin. “You were really willing to let me do that huh?” He shook his head and laughed. John climbed off of her, hands trailing on her skin where her shirt had rode up. “I’ll give it time. You’ll come around. After all we’ve been through together you’re bound to. Just remember those first few weeks in the bunker we had.” He sighed slowly through his nose, hands on his hips. 

Apprehensively she got off his bed. Getting on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. One that she was glad to give this time. “Sorry John. Just give me space. You’re right, I need time. And I’d be glad to make you happy when I’m ready.”


	7. Chapter 7

The makeshift door to her room was gone, as were the fragments of glass. It was clean, like nothing ever happened. It sent her mind reeling to see things look so normal after the experience she went through. 

She plopped down on the bed, eyes scanning. “You ever think you’re leading them on?” She sucked in a breath. Faith’s voice sounded right near her ear, she fell back on her bed, not wanting to see the girl. “Making them think that maybe one day you’ll come around. See the other side and care.” Faith sighed. “They have to see through your facade soon, see how deep your inner demons actually are. That they’re worse than you let on. And once that happens,” she whistled lightly, “Tick tock Deputy, you have to make a decision on how you’re going to treat my brothers. Either let your rage consume you or…” Ryleigh didn’t let her finish. 

She bounded up on her feet. Spinning in a circle, trying to find Faith. She couldn’t see her, couldn’t see any bliss sparkles. Yet she could hear her humming. Her hands covered her ears. “Shut up! For fucks sake just shut up!” 

When her eyes flew open she saw John at the doorway, Joseph standing behind him. Fuck. Her heart sped up, tears gathering and threatening to fall. 

She laughed, it was watery, broken down. John mumbled something to Joseph that she couldn’t make out. She hung her head, trembling when she heard John’s footsteps come near. He stopped directly in front of her. She could feel his inquisitive gaze. “Hey Ryleigh.” She blew out a breath upon hearing his calm tone. Finally she let her tears drop, which he wasted no time swiping away. “You’re not going to talk about what just happened are you?” She flinched at how blunt he was being. At how correct he was too, he read her well, better than she thought. 

“In that case,” he reached for her arm, rubbing along the skin. “I thought about what you said, like,” he glanced at the clock, “Five minutes ago. And I think I want to tattoo you.” He carried the look of a young child. With a man who practically made tattooing sins a profession, she figured this was serious to him. Especially going by the gleam in his eyes. 

“I know, I know, you said to give you time, I heard you. Let this go at your own pace, maybe you’ll realize that you want to be here. That you want...us I guess.” He sighed, shaking his head and not meeting her line of sight. “But I want to show you that you’re important to me.” 

She laughed bitterly. “Right, and no better way to do that then marking me. Like cattle, like I’m an object.” He sucked in a breath through his teeth. Stepping away like he was offended, hands raised in a ‘no harm intended’ way. 

“Nothing like that. Don’t twist my words. It’s a show of affection.”

“Mhm. Cause you don’t tattoo just anyone huh?” Yet she walked out of her room, indicating that he should follow. At the dinner table was his tattoo gun, an old lamp that Jacob was tinkering with and the proper things to wash her skin with. 

He pulled out a chair, ushering her into it. John moved in a flurry of movement, smiling when Joseph came into the room to turn on the radio. Suddenly this turned into a family affair. Her hands were shaking as she dug her nails into the old wood of the table. She made tiny notches to calm her anxiety, only stopping due to the strong light that abruptly beamed out of the lamp. Jacob gave a triumphant laugh and leaned back in his chair. 

His eyes caught hers and his smile was one to remember, she saw a flicker of pride cross his features. She watched him brace his forearms on the table, paying close attention to how John began to set up now that he job was done. 

“So I was thinking,” John moved the lamp to brighten her skin, “Maybe on your leg.” At her lack of response he was quick to change. “Or your ankle. Figured with the scars on your arms…” the reminder of the time when she tried to take her life made her eyes flicker shut for a moment. 

“The ankle’s fine John.”

When he grinned it looked forced, as if he were nervous and regretted ever putting the offer out there. Probably due to her cold attitude. She knew what he saw, how he had to watch her grow closer to Jacob, closer then she was with him. On many occasions how she clung to him. Even after all he put her through. They had their setbacks yet she somehow made up with his eldest brother, and didn’t do a damn thing with John. Who was trying desperately to win her over. A swarm of guilt invaded her senses, one that she wanted to push away. She shouldn’t still have this empathy, the same empathy that had her stopping on the side of the road to help strangers in Hope County. 

He sat down in a chair across from her, hands grabbing her leg and laying it over his lap. He yanked up her pants, just enough to see her right ankle, for a few seconds he stroked her flesh. Examining each small birthmark and freckle she had. Only snapping out of it at the sound of the radio. “Do I get to know what you’re doing?” She wasn’t anticipating Jacob’s laugh. His arms were crossed over his chest, eyes sparkling with an amusement she hasn’t seen in too long. Why was he in such a good mood? 

“Oh pup. This will be your first lesson then. Never agree to let John do this kinda shit to you unless it’s been negotiated. I’ve never trusted him enough to get near me with that thing.” Her shoulders tensed when she saw John scowl at his older brother. She scanned John’s arms and saw the tattoos that she always thought he gave himself. The man had talent, whatever he gave her it wouldn’t look awful. Though it might be geared towards Eden’s Gate. The thought made her cringe, but stopping him scared her. Brought back memories of what fake Faith was saying to her. Somehow that girl was fucking with her mind, making her doubt her instincts. See a different side of things. 

The light buzz of the machine made her look anywhere else but where he sat hunched over. The first press against her skin made her leg kick reflexively, she expected John to chastise her, but he only held her tighter. Mumbling a soft, “Careful.” 

Jacob was humming some tune that she distantly remembered but couldn’t recall the name of. It calmed her, made the tense muscles in her leg finally relax. John patted her ankle in some show of thanks. 

She let her eyes roam over to Joseph who was fiddling with the radio, a look of concentration masking his features. He sighed deeply, catching her starting for a second before tossing a disarming smile. She watched him twist a few more dials until a sharp noise came out of the radio, a crackling sound that made John flinch. The sharp needle like pain was removed for a moment before he pressed down again, muttering something.

“Joe, what’re you doing?” Jacob still seemed calm, an easiness about him that always intrigued her. 

“Just searching.”

“Bored?” Joseph shrugged. Something was off about him. This whole thing was weird, Jacob’s happier attitude and now Joseph’s busy work. 

“I’m only worried about a few things. Mostly about Faith. It’ll pass.” Ryleigh tuned out their conversation. Didn’t need to hear about the new Faith. Not when the old one was fresh in her mind, hurling accusations her way and floating lifelessly in a pond of water. 

She shifted, refocusing on John. She's never really looked at him when he was tattooing someone. His teeth had pulled at his bottom lip. Tongue occasionally flicking out to put some moisture back into his dry lips. Sometimes he got close enough for her to feel his gentle exhale. A hotness that radiated across sensitive skin, creating goosebumps. 

Every few seconds he would pull back to examine his work. Letting out pleased hums and whistles. For the fifteenth time he broke away from her reddened ankle, smiling broadly and shutting off the tattoo gun. “Done.” He clapped his hands together. 

She leaned forward, bending to see what he marked into her body. This time around, willingly. It was on the inside of her right ankle. 

“A feather?”

“Yes.” His face fell. “You don’t like it?”

“I don’t know what the fuck it’s supposed to represent.” The hushed tone she used was more for Joseph’s benefit. But Jacob definitely heard her and didn’t hold back his laughter. 

“It’s supposed to be something that binds us together.” She cocked an eyebrow. He was flustered, cheeks flushed. Almost immediately realizing his poor choice of words. “I’ve got a tattoo of the same things. Because you and I are more similar than you think.”

He cleared his throat, trying to reign in some control. “Birds of a feather, you know?”

“Like a claim, a mark of ownership.” Jacob snorted at her response to John trying to instill some deeper meaning in all. John’s brow pushed down in confusion. “Something to say ‘look who your family is, look who loves you.’ She nodded. “It’s nice John.” 

She gazed down at it. It had a deeper meaning then she thought he could muster, another layer of John was shown to her and she could say that she liked this part of him. 

Ryleigh knew what he was looking for. She knew how he needed affirmation. She rose and cupped his jaw, a soft kiss against his cheek, and moving to his nose, then up to his eyebrow. His hands twitched at his side, but he knew his boundaries. Letting her set the pace, not protesting when she avoided his lips.


	8. Chapter 8

She hasn’t seen Faith in weeks. Ryleigh stayed far away from any mirrors and kept herself by the side of one of the Seeds, always talking, needing something other than silence. When she slept at night she had the radio right by her pillow, turned on low and listening to one of Joseph’s sermons which was running on repeat or the warning messages replaying, reminding everyone to stay in their bunkers. Anything to stave off the noisy apparition that used to haunt her. 

Now more than ever she was appreciative to when the boys broke out into song. How Jacob would sing in his low, gravelly voice when he thought he was alone, how John’s whistles would cut through the air and be heard no matter where you were in the bunker or how Joseph would stroke her hair when the nights were arduous and sing ‘You Are My Sunshine’ until she fell asleep. 

Having to focus on whether or not she was going crazy, having her head on a swivel for Faith, it made her painfully unaware of the building stress that John was exuding like a foggy cloud, it rolled off him in waves. His feverish glances and the hushed whispers that he gave to Jacob was only realized when she took notice how he didn’t whistle as often or how their conversations were always clipped short, one worded answers coming from him.

She wasn’t proud to admit that she was definitely eavesdropping the next time she noticed John getting twitchy as he ran off to Jacob late during the night. Ryleigh hung around the corner, eyes closed in concentration. 

“We’ve both gone over the numbers Jake, we’re not going to make it seven years. It’s only been one year and two months!”

“How long do we have left, roughly?” She could make out the sound of someone pacing, though the lack of shoes made it hard to tell who had picked up the nervous habit. 

“Maybe three weeks.”

“Fuck’s sake, you waited this long to tell me. You’ve been sitting on this for a while John. All you’ve been saying is you needed to talk to me sometime.”

“You kept blowing me off, saying you were busy.”

“Yeah, well if you told me that we might starve to death than I would've listened sooner. We could’ve already made some kind of plan, gotten the fuck out.” Her chest felt painfully tight. They were starving? The food didn’t seem lighter than normal. Than again, she hadn’t been the most attentive over the past few weeks. 

“A plan? A plan Jacob? There’s no getting out of this.” Angry footsteps rung out, sounding further away. “Do you see that, what the air outside did to my skin? It’s dangerous.”

She heard the soft scoff of Jacob. “That was two months ago. No one's been outside since. Besides, we don’t have much choice.” She waited in tense silence, suddenly afraid they would come around the corner. “Look Johnny,” this time spoken much softer. “We’ll all talk tomorrow. We gotta go somewhere else. Either way we’ll die, at least by leaving we have a chance. We’re strong now, not yet starving. And we have enough food to make a trip. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this baby brother, It’s my job.” Their voices had grown into light murmurs where she couldn’t make out any of their words, she made a hasty retreat to her room. Promptly flicking on the radio by her bed.

Her hands scrunched up in the blankets, pulling them close to her face and breathing deeply to calm herself. 

She wasn’t aware that she had fallen asleep, but when she opened her eyes next she was staring at Joseph who hovered above her, smile light on his face. He must not know. It surprised her that his brothers would keep this kind of thing a secret, they didn’t seem like that type of family. 

Her mouth was kept shut as Joseph reached for her hand and pulled her out of bed, uncaring that she was still in her pajamas. 

The boys were already gathered around in the confined space. Jacob was standing, holding a bundle of papers in his hand while John hovered around him. Glancing over his shoulder and mumbling to him. The whole thing put her on edge even when she knew what was going to happen. 

“Joseph, Ryleigh, I know it’s early,” he tossed a hand over to the clock hanging on the wall that read 5:47, “This..this is important. We need to leave now. We don’t have time for long explanations, everything’s already set up. We’re running out of food.” He paused, maybe for dramatic effect. Like he was giving one of his goddamn PowerPoint presentation on natural selection like the good old days. 

“It’s that bad?” Joseph’s voice came out tiny, his arm was wrapped around her waist, squeezing their bodies together until they sat shoulder to shoulder, at this point it was too early in the morning to fight and she was too scared to put distance between them, she needed someone to cling to just as much as he did. 

“Yeah Joe, we gotta go. I had some of the people in John’s bunker check outside, it’s hot, but not enough to burn you. They said the longest someone was able to stay outside was an hour. In a car it might be cooler if they make some adjustments. I've arranged a convoy to come for us.”

“Wait—“

“No Joseph.” He stalked closer, looking angry. “We don’t have time to wait or talk this through. I’m making sure we get out of here.” Jacob fell to the floor on his knees in front of Joseph. “Think about it, John was in charge of gathering all the food and supplies in his region, he was the most equipped for this.”

Joseph hummed in agreement but still carried that skeptical look on his face. “I know you’re right Jacob. That doesn’t surprise me.” They drew together, bumping foreheads. Joseph stood when Jacob drew away. His eyes scanned over their small living space for the last time. “When do we leave?”

—

The entire drive there and Joseph wouldn’t shut up. He was suddenly very excited, ready to be around his flock. To hold them close and be a constant source of energy and love for them. Saying how they needed to make a room for his sermons, that they should’ve done that sooner. She just rolled her eyes, keeping out of the conversation. She perked up when he got to the topic of Faith. As if he just remembered that she was at John’s bunker, a helpful tidbit that he never told them. 

The only other person to share his excitement was John. It made her wonder how many other woman once filled the role of Faith that made Jacob unaffected by the news. 

Her eyes stayed on the outside world, hoping to see any sign of life. The landscape was devoid of flora and fauna. Trees that were previously there were now long gone. Burnt to a crisp. The heat was stifling, making her gag and cough and struggle with each breath, it brought back awful memories form when she was locked away and had first hallucinated. 

she continued to gaze out the dirty, scratched window. The sky was no longer blue. She always thought the sky would be the first thing to restore itself after a crisis. Whether it be a hurricane or tornado or right after a huge forest fire that painted the sky smoky black. The sky should come back first. Yet the atmosphere remained dark, a dirty color that resembled the ground they were driving on. The same ground that had way too many holes and ravines, though the driver went slow. They were hauling precious cargo after all. Save for her. 

She didn’t know how everyone would react to her once she got there, and there were bigger things than herself to have the brothers attention, so she didn’t voice her concerns. 

Her mouth remained firmly shut as they drove up to John’s bunker, on the outside it looked mangled, the metal was warped and had changed colors. But the interior couldn’t be any more different. It was lively. The hustle and bustle that she experienced in a life that seemed so long ago. 

She clung tight to Jacob’s side, seeing as he was the only one not being swarmed by people. Whether it be because he wasn’t the prophet or these weren’t his people, or maybe it was the scowl he always wore, not many peggies came up to him. And his 6”3 frame kept her hidden. She was shaking nervously whenever she caught the eyes of someone. She didn’t need all these peggies to be against her simply because they remember the deputy of Hope County. 

John broke away from the attention, smiling, he practically flung himself around Jacob’s neck. Mumbling appreciative words of thanks. He caught her gaze and gave her arm a squeeze a hesitant laugh pouring from his mouth. 

“Come on, I've got someone who’s going to show us to our rooms.” He twirled around to look back at where Joseph stood, speaking to everyone, “Holy shit. All this space. This’ll be a nice change.”

Ryleigh wanted so badly to agree, but the constant reminder that Eden’s Gate was thriving, that it was truly going to be the only group out there after 7 years, it scared her. Made her realize that people would have no choice but to follow Eden’s Gate, they were the ones who would be organized enough to lead. They were ready. For now, she’d bite her tongue, lie low, and keep her distrust of the project to herself.


	9. Chapter 9

Ryleigh didn’t get much time alone once she was shown to her room. A huge upgrade from Dutch’s bunker actually. It was larger, she felt free. Or as free as you could feel underground with a limited amount of space. Still, she couldn’t complain. It was barren, but one Peggie didn’t hesitate to tell her that she could decorate, offering to lead her to where they kept all their pictures, or even going as far as to saying she could lead Ryleigh to where had plants, saying it would lighten up the room. 

Ryleigh politely declined, knowing that she didn’t have the energy to take care of a plant and that the pictures were probably all of The Father and just another harsh reminder. 

Not even ten minutes had passed until she heard someone bang harshly on the huge metal door to her room. Strangely those paranoid cop senses were gone from her system and she flung open the door without a second thought. 

Jacob stood with arms crossed over his chest, eyes boring into hers. His lips were drawn into a tight line. She caught sight of the young woman who stood next to him. The white of her dress was familiar. Faith. The new Faith. It was like seeing a ghost, she recognized that white flowery gown and was too afraid to look up, to see what face would be gazing back at her. Jacob shoved the woman forward, annoyance emanating off of him. “You’ve got twenty minutes to meet and greet, she’s got work to do, but Joe’s orders, have fun.” He spun on his heel quickly, barking out orders to the people he passed who all stood at attention. 

Finally Ryleigh’s eyes rose up to examine her face. She took a step back away from her kind smile. The same face that once told her that she couldn’t be trusted, that Eli was making a mistake by letting her in. The same face that towards the end, told her it wasn’t her fault, that she needed to kill Jacob, not like she succeeded, The Deputy never went back to the wolf’s den after that. Couldn’t face this woman once she failed to avenge Eli. 

She can distantly remember how focused she was towards the cause. This woman spent days torturing information out of peggies. She wore a tattered green coat thrown over a flannel and dirty grey shirt. 

Tammy. A woman she never dared to call a friend. Seeing a strong able bodied person who hated the project with a passion stand before her in that dress made her feel sick. She didn’t want to spend time with this woman. 

Despite every instinct flying through her body she let herself be swept into a hug, allowed this stranger to pet her hair away from her hair and tell her how nice it is to finally meet her. Thanking her for taking care of her brothers. 

Ryleigh forced a smile, wanting to crawl into bed, find that woman who offered to take her to find paintings, because she’d rather spend the morning with that lady than Faith. 

“Come, come, The Father wants us to talk. I’ll show you around.” She was led like a doll, a simple spectator to her plight. Faith kept a hand on her shoulder, leading her around, pointing things out and explaining what everyone’s job is. She laughed more than Tammy ever did, she even smiled. Always touching peoples arms and saying kind words. What did they do to her? Her mind toyed with the idea of them using bliss, but she didn’t seem drugged out of her mind. 

“And this,” Faith gestured widely to a large tunnel that was being dug out, “this is our largest project. Before the collapse we had the plan to make all the bunkers connected, we had a headstart but didn’t finish in time. At this rate we’ll reach the Whitetail Mountains in 6 months.” Ryleigh didn’t try to hide her shock. The way Tammy worded it, ‘we had the plan’ like she was here from the start. 

“Great.” She mumbled it lightly, tongue feeling thick in her mouth. Faith bounded in front of her, crowding her vision. “It must be overwhelming after all that time spent with the same three people. You’ll get used to it. Promise.” She held out her pinky finger like a three year old. Ryleigh took it, bounding their fingers together just to appease the woman. 

“Faith?” A radio she hadn’t noticed was dangling from Tammy’s hand, the sound of Jacob coming through the mixture of static. 

“Yes brother? Am I needed now.” There was a long stint of silence, probably due to this stranger that terrorized him now assuming the role of his sister. 

“Yeah, come to the main bay, you’ve got work to do.” Faith gave Ryleigh a sickly sweet smile and a pat on the arm. Leaving her with little advice on where to go or what to do. 

She wandered around aimlessly, waving and smiling at those who noticed her. She didn’t want to go back to her room, that meant being alone with just her thoughts. Faith, the old Faith that she killed, might come back to her. Her radio was left at the bunker, a flimsily thing that was almost dead. Told to be left by Jacob, saying they had better shit at John’s Gate. 

That gave her a job. Something akin to what she used to do for the people of Hope County, run around to collect some bullshit that she didn’t even know where to look. She didn’t ask for help, didn’t want to interact with these people. Too afraid someone monkey grow hostile and still consider her a sinner. 

The sound of soft voices caught her attention when she rounded a corner. The hallway was dimly lit and as she crept closer she could make out the tone of John’s voice. He’d know where she could find a radio. She paused outside his door when she heard a second voice. Was he in the middle of something important? After all, these people went a year without their Baptist. She might be interrupting some religious shit and was in no mood to be yelled at. Her hand was held up, ready to knock, listening to see if this person actually needed his attention. 

“C’mon darling, you wanna put on a show for me?” 

“Y-yeah. Yes. Of course John.” A soft giggle followed and the rustling of clothes and footsteps. 

A sharp whistle of approval made her jump, almost slamming against the door and giving her position away. She held her breath, lowering her arm and pressing her ear on the cold metal. She could hear way too much. Like the way the bed creaked and John muttered how ‘Fucking hot’ the girl in his bed was.

“Not a fling John?” A sharp inhale followed by John’s cursing words. 

“Not if you always feel this good baby. Fuck, you’re tight.” Ryleigh fell away on the opposite side of the wall when all she could hear was the slamming of the bed into the wall along with grunts and moans. Her heart was left hammering as she hurried away. Hands clenched tight she slammed into the very woman who showed her to her room when she arrived. Ryleigh held onto her arm, smiled too wide and hoped she wouldn’t question the beads of sweat on her face despite the blast of A/C. 

“Those paintings and flowers...I thought about it. I’d like to have something to brighten up the room. The offer still open?” The woman’s name she couldn’t remember visibly brightened and led her away from John’s promiscuity.


	10. Chapter 10

Ryleigh kept her mind busy the rest of the day. Setting up her room, making it feel more homey. She almost dared to say she was proud with the end results, she bit her tongue on that one considering where she was. The last thing she wanted was some loyal Peggie running of to The Baptist to make her atone. 

The thought made her blood boil when she realized what their precious herald was doing right under their noses. For fuck’s sake they haven’t even been here a full day. Makes her wonder what made the poor man snap like that, it had to be bad enough for him to indulge in his sins though. Something she figured he took very seriously. She shouldn’t care. That intrusive thought never stopped swirling around her head. That she should not care about what he does with his life. 

Even when she busied herself with hanging pictures or turning on the radio she finally was given, it always went back to John. He was a grown ass man who turned out to be a good actor, a manipulator, someone who played the victim card for weeks, making her think that he needed her, needed someone to help him. He was an envious prick who vied for her attention over Jacob’s then went off to screw some cultist. Some airhead who would blindly follow him to the ends of the earth. 

She let him tattoo her, she kissed him afterwards, told him how she’d be happy to stand by him. He toyed with her emotions. Why was she so surprised? Back in Hope County and she would’ve expected this from John. With the end of the world you’d think it would change a man. Guess not. 

Any man like that didn’t deserve Ryleigh’s attention. He especially didn’t deserve all the space he was taking up in her mind. 

Her hands were shaking in her lap from where she sat on the bed. She didn’t know where the brothers were, it was a fairly large bunker and she’d been left all on her own. She could hazard a guess that they were busy; too busy for her to be by their side. She was surrounded by people, but felt so scared. Her chest was tight and her vision was blurred. 

Ryleigh stood abruptly and felt her knees clack together, almost crashing to the floor. She felt like a newborn deer. The large metal door was left open, it was the same struggle she remembered dealing with when running from the herald’s bunkers. Twisting open the industrial size door took muscles and energy. She’d deal with the people passing by, everyone was too caught up in their own lives to peak in any way. It gave some welcome distraction, to catch sight of the Peggies who were making do with what they had, laughing, joking around. It was so normal

With the amount of people walking past she still recognized Joseph’s brisk pace. His head was bent as he walked—more like jogged—next to a man holding up papers that they were looking over. His face was drawn and serious as he passed. That small glimpse had her jump up, tossing the door closed behind her. 

Joseph was already rounding a corner by the time she got out of her room. She was surprised he hadn’t crashed into anything with how oblivious he was to his surroundings. Ryleigh was sprinting to catch up, by the time she got to him she was panting. She trailed behind him, keeping out of sight. He was nodding to what the Peggie next to him was going on about, barely speaking. 

She knew she was getting strange looks from people. Wondering why the deputy was trailing along like a puppy, eyes blown wide and out of breath. Truth be told she wasn’t sure what compelled her to follow. Maybe it was the familiar face. 

“Hey!” The gruff voice had her wince. There wasn’t any anger in it, but it was fierce and brought too much attention on her. It also caused Joseph to stop walking, head snapping up at the sound of his older brother’s voice. Ryleigh crashed into his back, not even making him stumble. She heard his sharp gasp of surprise before he spun on his heel, apology already on his tongue. His eyes widened at realizing who it was, along sparks of confusion. She cringed, looking around to see everyone watching her. 

Jacob’s large hand wrapped around her upper arm. “What are you doing?” Her throat constricted, mouth going dry like she was caught doing something wrong. 

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Joseph shift on his feet, his gaze flicking to the man next to him. He was whispering under his breath, giving some directions while trying to find an opening to step in. “Pup?” Jacob was still waiting. Foreboding with his 6”3 figure, strange that after all their time together and she continued to feel a primal fear when he raised his voice slightly. What could she say? She simply hated being yelled at, making people mad didn’t sit well with her. 

“I’m good.”

He chuckled, but she saw through his the facade he put on for everyone else. The concern was evident when she was up this close, plus the lack of sleep was obvious and didn’t help him mask his emotions. “That’s not what I asked.” There was a pregnant pause. Too many beats of silence to be acceptable. “What are you doing?” He repeated it slowly, each syllable drawn out. 

Ryleigh shook her head, sticking close to Jacob. 

“Joe, you’ve got somewhere to be. Go on. I’ve got her.” There was indecision on his face, hesitation to stay, comfort her. Something he does best. She understood him running off after a few seconds, of course there were things he had to do. Always working. He was a busy man.

“Come on. Stick with me for the rest of the day.” He paused, fingers carding through her hair momentarily. “Not a word alright? I’ve got things to do. Be my shadow for now. We’ll talk later.”

That serene feeling hit her again. A pleasant thought of keeping her mind busy and doing some numbing task so she didn’t have to focus on the buzzing in her brain. It was the same feeling as this morning when she went searching for a radio. Before she heard John—

No.

She visibly shook her head like she could shake away the thoughts. Something noticed by Jacob, his hand moved to her shoulder, squeezing lightly and guiding her. 

Her shoulders rolled out the tension. He provided her with busy work, tossing her things to carry for him, at one point handing her a clipboard and passing order to take notes. The blunt pencil he provided, hovered over the paper, exactly what did he mean by ‘take notes?’ In the end it was a bunch of bullshit, writing down snippets of conversation that seemed important. Numbers and names. Then it hit her. She realized what he was doing, what game he was playing at. She hadn’t seen it for herself, yet she knew, everyone who’s seen Jacob before all this knew of Deputy Pratt. Most of them probably didn’t know his name. Something told her that this was a task Jacob had the man do, it wounded her, brought back memories and made her question what Jacob thought of her. 

Despite the images roving around her head she kept true to her word and stayed silent, playing the role of the mute deputy. She saw Jacob as the soldier again. How he acted towards people who were on his side, no threatening words. Only curt commands, questions that were to be answered promptly. 

Towards midnight, when things around the bunker were finally winding down and lights were being shut off, Jacob led them into a small room that had too many screens to count. Some kind of control room. He collapsed down in a swivel chair, head thrown back, looking utterly exhausted. He forced a tiny smile and gestured for her to come near. 

It was an automatic response at this point to climb into his lap. One hand of his holding onto her hip, the other managing the buzzing controls in front of them. 

Jacob opened his mouth, eyes flicking between her and the cameras. She was already leaning forward to catch his words. 

“Hell-o people! Havin’ a party without me huh?” Ryleigh jolted like she had been shocked, head turning to see who dared to walk into a room where Jacob was working without knocking. 

John. Swaying on his feet, vest hanging off one shoulder, caught at his bent elbow. His blue shirt had a few of the middle buttons undone, exposing the skin of his stomach, like he had put it on too quickly. In one hand he held onto a cheap bottle of wine that was more than halfway gone. Flanking his side was—god she shouldn’t be surprised anymore—a young looking girl wearing too little, clothes equally rumpled as John’s. Ryleigh noticed how the girl had John’s airplane covered coat tied around her waist. 

Ryleigh saw the slow build of anger Jacob had. His eyes closed, hand coming up to rub away the tension of his furrowed brows. 

“Oh don’t stop because of me. What were you two doing? Gettin’ a little frisky right? I get it Jacob. You need someone warm by your side.” John tossed the bottle precariously close to the computers, using his freed hand to squeeze the girl’s breast. She giggled, turning in closer to John and brushing against his crotch in turn, which made Ryleigh realized that his pants were unzipped, buckle undone. 

Jacob wasn’t stunned into silence, he was rarely at a loss for words, especially when it came to his family. He was simply holding back. Knowing that if he opened his mouth he would explode. And with John being drunk the whole thing would turn into a scuffle with John in a headlock, because honestly, on a good day Jacob could kick his younger brother’s ass. 

“Lucky you, getting the deputy. And you know,” he almost tripped forward when he moved away from his play toy. “I was thinking about you Ryleigh.” His hand moved to stroke her jaw, she trembled, he absolutely reeked of alcohol. “I came to the conclusion that I’ll always come second. That even if I did win you over that you’d prefer someone else, it’s how my entire life has gone. You’d like that Jacob’s a tougher man than me, that he can protect you and make you feel safe.” 

He was an emotional drunk, already forming tears. “Joseph would be more calm than me, he doesn’t get angry like I do. Joe would cuddle with you at night and shower you with compliments. But what do I offer to you? I realized that I had no redeeming qualities for you, at least nothing to out do my brothers.” He reached for the wine, finishing off the last of it. “So fuck it.” 

“John. Eventually, I’m sure with some time I’ll feel more comfortable to show you the same love I do with your brothers.” she reached out to grab his hand, his drunkenness made him too slow to move away. 

He scoffed from her words but didn’t break the hold, looking like he was relishing in the contact. “Ry.” He shook his head, too drunk to realize what he called her was the exact reason why she snapped at him in the first place. It was absurd, childish now that she thought about it. 

“You’re insecure aren’t you? Your father didn’t love you, your adoptive parents didn’t care, only wanting to make you into a trophy, the perfect successful lawyer. And now you’re insecure.” She wasn’t far from done, there was so much more that she wanted to say now that she think that she got to the root of this problem they had. 

“What do know about me?” His tone sounded accusatory. She was going off of the little she heard around Hope County and from what Joseph read to her in the Book of Joseph. She didn’t know enough to be talking so confidently. 

“I’m not airing out my dirty laundry right now. Too damn drunk. Catch me when I’m dying in bed tomorrow, or crouched over a toilet, I don’t know. Can’t deal with you poking around in my head like Jacob.” With that he turned out, hands reaching to grab at the girl and drag her with him. 

Jacob was up, gently nudging her off his lap. He smoothed her hair down, pressed a kiss to her forehead, eyes wide. “I gotta go stop him, talk to him. He’ll already be beating himself up tomorrow for what he’s done so far. Go to bed.”

She did as he asked, it’d been too long of a day to argue or follow after him. As tired as she might’ve been she managed to flick on the radio at the last minute before she threw herself down. She scrambled to throw blankets over her body. 

Drifting off to sleep would have been simple if not for the radio that went off on the floor next to her bed. Her personal radio that she’s had since she entered Joseph Seed’s church. 

“Dep?” John sounded drunk and brooding. Dejected, things she didn’t want to deal with. “Ryleigh, he um, Jacob.” He gave a long drawn out sigh and a muttered curse. “I don’t even know if you’re awake.”

“Yeah, I’m here John.” Her upper body was hanging off the bed, blankets kicked by her feet. Ryleigh told herself this was stupid, recalls the conversation she had with herself earlier, questioning why she should care. But it was in her nature to care for others. She had some twisted need to play mother hen, probably some issues connected to childhood that she didn’t want to think about right now. 

John needed to be cared for. He needed constant reminders that he was worth it. Even if it had to be said ten times a day that he was important and loved. They were made for eachother in that sense. If they were together then both their needs would be fulfilled. She couldn’t, in good conscience, leave John to fend for himself. 

“Jacob yelled at me.” He hiccuped. “He was angry. It's been so long since he’s been angry with me, I’ve had Joseph be disappointed, that happens too many times..but Jacob. I..uh.” 

“Shush John. You’re getting yourself all worked up. You’re somewhere safe right?”

“Yeah, don’t know why you care. Didn’t Jacob talk to you? At least tell you how he literally dragged me off to bed.”

“No. Why would he? How could he?”

“You’re not with him? Or Joseph?”

“I’m alone John. In my own bed.” He was quiet for long enough for her to place the radio down on the floor and hefted herself on the mattress. She curled into herself, drawing the blankets up to her chin. 

The creaking of her door opening had her shooting up, hand going to under her pillow where she stashed a knife she stole from someone who had their back turned for a second when she was with Jacob. 

“Hey. Mind company?” 

“John. You scared me.”

He ignored her rough tone. Instead just coming in and letting the door slam shut, it was too large to close silently. 

He sat at the edge of the bed, eyes not meeting hers. “You hungry?” She raised an eyebrow at his question, lips quirking up when he produced bags of chips and candy bars from behind him. He pushed it between them when she sat at the edge with her feet on the floor. A peace offering, some mutual thing that wouldn’t turn into an argument. 

He was still drunk, but more sober. Sober enough for his inhibitions to not be as flimsy as when he walked in on her and Jacob. 

They ate in silence, relishing in the junk food they were devoid of in Dutch’s bunker. The man was ex military, probably wanting to be in good shape. His vices didn’t hear towards having a bad diet. 

When the food was gone and water was passed between the two, Ryleigh pushed herself closer to John, noticing how he flinched when their thighs touched. “We’re gonna be fine. I promise John.” 

She reached out to grab his hand, leaning forward with her head tucked between her spread legs. 

John began some soft prayer she couldn’t make out, his hand tightened around hers, his voice only growing when he finished and repeated what she said before. “We’ll be fine.”


End file.
